We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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