I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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