i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize