You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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