Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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