The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
being pregnant is like rehab
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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