I'm lost and stupid without you.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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