she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
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Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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