dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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