i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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