I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize