apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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