It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
