Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
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the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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