Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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