Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
