just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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