At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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