There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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