So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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