wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
