it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize