he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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