Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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