I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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