My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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