I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize