Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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