just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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