did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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