im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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