Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize