dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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