dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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