You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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