So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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