u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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