nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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