im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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