I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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