I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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