Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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