Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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