I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
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I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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