The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Found the puke drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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