i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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