her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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