How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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