The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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