Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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