Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
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I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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