If i come over, it means nothing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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